Sunday, January 23, 2011

Me Lately

It's been an exciting past few months. Winter Break was simply amazing. It was endless fun and things to do with people. I found myself with someone every day, going places and doing things. That started this streak of happiness I've been on. It was the closest thing to satisfied with life that I'd ever been. I then landed the role of Jean Valjean in Les Mis, I got into the top 10 of Jefferson Idol, and Carbon got our recordings and shows together... but it's all starting to simmer now. Yes, Carbon is still playing; yes, i'm still in Jefferson Idol; and yes, I'm still Jean Valjean! I just don't feel the same that I did a month ago.
There's one operative difference in all of this, I haven't been doing enough with my "friends". I must sadly admit that I survive off of instant gratification and these lingering memories of the fun times over winter break do not serve as ample nourishment. Instead they serve to taunt me and tease me, reminding me of what I once was doing, and the distinction between those times and my life now torments me. Even more so, I find it hard to see what the cause of this variation might be. Is is something other people are busier with? Is it something I'm doing differently to scare others away? Or is just a simple coincidence of time? I have no idea, and It is bothering me to no end. I can't stand such wavering social conditions. It's killing me. I need to go places with people, even if we go nowhere, I need my dose of gratification...

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