Bring Him Home

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1P9SvRC4-s&feature=channel_video_title

This was me singing "Bring Him Home" at my school's Broadway Cabaret show as a little preview to our production of Les Mis to come in a few weeks. I think I did well and I'm proud of myself. I had the time of my life and I can tell its only a precursor the the great fun I'll enjoy during the full production.

"Who Am I?"

I feel the best ever right now... on these nights when my voice is so warmed up that singing is purely effortless and i feel no boundaries to what i can do with my voice. On these nights i can express myself purely through my voice. I feel a physical and emotional release when i belt the notes in the top of my range and on these nights, i never sounded better. I picture myself on stage with the greatest performing, at last, Les Miserables with full cast and an audience. I am happy. Bring Him Home, brings me to tears or somewhere very close to it almost every time I sing it. I have become very emotionally attached to this music in particular. I feel like I'm becoming Jean Valjean. You may think i'm obsessing by reading this, but who are you to judge what is important and true and beautiful and worth my time and effort? Who are you to tell me what is an acceptable amount of effort and care to put into a certain thing? I love this show and the music in the show and I intend to do my best possible job in March to show the audience what I'm really capable of, and who Jean Valjean really is. "Who Am I?", I'm Jean Valjean!

Sincerely Yours,

Monsieur Madeleine
Jean Valjean
Prisoner 24601

Me Lately

It's been an exciting past few months. Winter Break was simply amazing. It was endless fun and things to do with people. I found myself with someone every day, going places and doing things. That started this streak of happiness I've been on. It was the closest thing to satisfied with life that I'd ever been. I then landed the role of Jean Valjean in Les Mis, I got into the top 10 of Jefferson Idol, and Carbon got our recordings and shows together... but it's all starting to simmer now. Yes, Carbon is still playing; yes, i'm still in Jefferson Idol; and yes, I'm still Jean Valjean! I just don't feel the same that I did a month ago.
There's one operative difference in all of this, I haven't been doing enough with my "friends". I must sadly admit that I survive off of instant gratification and these lingering memories of the fun times over winter break do not serve as ample nourishment. Instead they serve to taunt me and tease me, reminding me of what I once was doing, and the distinction between those times and my life now torments me. Even more so, I find it hard to see what the cause of this variation might be. Is is something other people are busier with? Is it something I'm doing differently to scare others away? Or is just a simple coincidence of time? I have no idea, and It is bothering me to no end. I can't stand such wavering social conditions. It's killing me. I need to go places with people, even if we go nowhere, I need my dose of gratification...

Stupid Facebook Note That Took Forever

This seemingly harmless Facebook note turned into over an hour long ordeal, and it became very much like a blog so I'm going to post it up on here. Enjoy!

Is your life falling apart or coming together?

Well, I guess that really depends on how you look at it. Doesn't it? In many ways my life is progressing, both in time, physical maturation, mental maturation, and in worldly responsibilities. However, if you choose to look at it another way my life is continually falling apart as time unravels and I slowly near my death, waiting for my ever meaningless life to expire.

But I guess you just wanna know how my day was. In that case... Great! How about yours? :)

Last person you cried in front of?

Robin, Declan, Ryan, and Meaghan: in laughter over the funniest thing you'll never see

Are you afraid of falling in love?

I'm not afraid. I'm forewarned of its dangers, but in my naive perspective I still await it with hope.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?

I don't believe so. I think it was more like I went to bed in the middle of last night :/

Do you ever apologize first?

Yes. Often

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?

A few people, but even more people that I wish I could become closer with today

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?

Nah, im heterosexual so its not exactly in the handbook

Have you seen New Moon yet?

"yet" implies that I am going to inevitably see it, and I don't plan on seeing it.

Your parents are out of town for the weekend. Do you throw a blowout party?

Not at my house, not the party house style

What's most important in a relationship?

Well for friendships probably common mindsets and clarity between the two. As far as other relationships go I have little to no experience :(

What do you hear right now?

Planes passing outside, the subtle creeks of the wind moving around my house, the sound of my laptop fan, and my huge fingers smacking the keyboard.

Do you know anyone who doesn’t smoke pot?

What kind of question is that? Everyone knows someone who doesn't smoke pot.

This time last year, were you single?

Yes. And we're still going 12 months strong <333>

Do you think teenagers can fall in love?

I can't put it out of any realm of possibility. I think its certainly possible just less probable because teenagers, are generally less mature.

Do you honestly miss someone?

Yes, I can think of a few people that I honestly miss right now...

In the past week, have you cried hysterically in front of a friend?

Not who one would call a typical "friend" per-say, but yes.

Do you pick your words carefully, or just tend to blurt everything out?

Now this is an interesting question. This is something that I couldn't possibly answer directly; so instead I'll tell interpret the question in my own context. I truly care for my word choice, so much so that I tend to stutter in certain situations. However I think very quickly and in tripping over my own thoughts I can't always sort everything out in time to say it. Therefore I find it best to give myself the benefit of the doubt and not worry too much about perfection in speech and simply speak while maintaining a careful aim towards the intention of my dialogue.

Do you do your own laundry?

Nah, but on a related note: For some reason my mom thinks that doing laundry is the sole reason that I need to stay home while attending college. If not the sole reason, at least the most important one. How can she be so delusional. I mean, sure it takes some time and its boring as hell, but its not exactly Calculus and I could probably figure it out in about 5 minutes from written directions on the back of a bottle of detergent.

How many months until your birthday?

Too many... which approximately converts to 7 months and 21 days

Who makes you smile?

A few people (in no particular order): Sara Benjamin. Katie Miller. Declan Jones. Robin Zweig. TJ Boyle, Meg Stefanski. Meaghan Cuddy- sometimes..., Brandon Horetsky- Always, Nicole Genovese, Tom Puglisi's Blog, The Beatles, Shadow, Santa Claus, Will Ferrel, and Little Gary Coleman * I should say young Gary Coleman to be specific :)

oh and Art Higgins (that kid is just a riot)

If i forgot anyone, don't be offended, you're just not cool enough to make me smile :)

For realz though the list goes on and on, don't be offended, its 1:30 AM, I can't think of everyone

Could you go a month without cursing?

I can, but there's no way I would. I wouldn't be able to keep it up that long. It's not something I like about myself but it's hard to control. We're products of our society you know!

How's your heart lately?

I''d assume its doing well. I've been eating a lot of Multi-Grain Cheerios lately ;) But otherwise not too well. Kinda bummed actually. I'm still unsure in my hopes so its a little tough.

Where’s your cell phone?

In me pocket.

Have you ever been in an ambulance?

Yes. Once

Where did you sleep last night?

In my bed.

Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

That depends on my mood. Most times I'd prefer to empathize with warm sunny weather, but sometimes I like to feel the rain.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?

No! It's terrible. I need covers no matter how hot it is. When I have to sleep without anything like that I tuck myself into a ball so my limbs are covered.

Do you think you're old?

Well most times I envision my self as a youthful chap. In certain respects I am old; i.e If you compared me to the entire population of the world that is under 17 or when I see pictures/videos of me as a child or when I see little kids growing up. However I am in most respects, still very young. I'm very young for my grade, being born in August, and I'm also only 17.... So no.

Do you like text messaging?

Not particularly, but I settle for it because its the most easily accessible medium for communication that people accept. I prefer talking on the phone, because tone is often confused in texting lingo.

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Warm.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

There are a few girls that mean a lot to me in different ways, yes.

What were you doing at twelve last night?

Where I am right now, sitting at my computer doing God knows what.

Do you like sushi?

Never really gave it a try.

Would you rather look at clouds or stars?

I don't have a particular preference. They're both beautiful. If i had to choose I'd base it on the fact that I catch myself in awe looking at the stars accidentally more often that the clouds.

What is worse: physical or emotional pain?

I don't feel like going on about this topic so I'll just leave it at both.

Is there one person you look at and automatically smile?

Yes. A few people

Have you ever been to Prom?

Only Junior Prom

If you could seek revenge on someone would you?

Yes, yes I would.

Do you have trust issues?

I think I have trust issues in that I trust most people commonly, and casually. Since that isn't very commonplace in our society, it often creates issues for me.

When was the last time you seen snow?

Some time earlier when I walked my dog.

Are you going to have a good day tomorrow?

Probably not. I was hoping to maybe go see a movie or do something with my day, but no one seems to be interested in doing anything so I guess I'll just spend it miserably procrastinating from doing my physics labs.

Do you drink energy drinks?

The only energy drinks I ever drank were 5-hour energy shots before my football games

Who sits in front of you in your math class?

Meg

Do you like meeting new people?

Most of the time. I'm rather outgoing and I get along well with new people.

Can you honestly say that you're happy?

Currently, I am neither happy nor sad. During many points during this break I found myself in situations that made me happier than I have ever been, which is absolutely amazing. But, I'm not always happy. In fact, I'm often unhappy, but I'm not right now so there's no need to express such emotions.

Where you born in the 90's

Yes, 1993

When you say you're sorry do you mean it?

Most of the time, as with most people, its a colloquialism that I just use for obvious reasons, but when I actually mean it, I actually mean it.

What's your favorite memory from this past summer?

I can't remember. It was a mediocre summer. Probably getting my license ("TO KILL" of course) haha

Are you hard to please?

It depends on how you interpret the meaning of "hard". I can be very specific in things that please me, which could make me seem either easily or more difficultly pleased. For example, I'm a bit of a perfectionist with some obsessive tendencies. So when it comes to creating or playing music, or group projects, or conversation, I'm very hard to please. But with other things I am easily pleased because I often take note of small details and cherish subtleties of things that might not please others.

Are you ticklish?

yes, very.

How many times have you seen the movie Twilight?

Again, I have not and do not plan to see any of the Twilight series movies.

Last time you kissed someone, were your hands around their neck?

Who the hell takes note of that?

Does your mom like the last person you kissed?

No idea

Have you ever found someone you really really really liked?

Actually, yes.

You and your ex?

I don't have a real ex

Ever kissed anyone whos name starts with E,V,N?

No

When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?

New Years Eve... refer to crying question from the beginning^^^^^ and before that while recording at Carbon

What grades the last person you texted in?

Senior

How did your day go yesterday?

It was the least eventful day of my break. I slept until noon, didn't shower until 6 and barely got out of the house to go eat dinner at my aunts.

What's your mood right now?

Indifferent

Do you like your hair?

I used to love my hair. Then I cut some of it off and I kinda liked it. Then I cut all of it of and I don't really give a shit anymore.

Do you have clothes that belong to other people?

Probably not

Is anyone mad at you?

I'd be flattered if anyone cared enough to be mad at me.

What did you do today?

Played guitar, picked up my guitar from Katie's (THANKS AGAIN MR. MILLER), didn't really eat much, and applied to Swarthmore College

Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

Back, providing I could mess with things to see if it would change anything, and then go back again to try it again. But if I didn't have 2 shots then forward

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?

My father

Will this weekend be a good one?

I don't know yet

Is there a guy that knows everything about you?

No one knows everything about anyone. But there are a few guys that know something close to everything

Anything running through your mind right now?

My leg hurts for some reason, I'm really hungry but determined to actually finish this terribly long note that no one is even going to be reading.... la la la la la..... okay I'm back with some leftover pizza and green tea. I'm set

Has anybody ever told you that you have pretty eyes?

Nah, mine are nothing special. But of course the rest of me makes up for that ;)

Can you wink?

Yep

Is it awkward when you run into your exes?

It sucks then I have to erase both of the letters and start again. It's even worse when I'm writing in pen; then I have to scribble the whole word out... That's a rather odd question don't you think? Why did they ask particularly about "exes". Do people mess those letters up particularly often? And why did they spell it "exes" instead of just "x's"....? .... oh wait

Are you a day or night person?

I'm a person person. I don't really categorize myself by night or day. If you're curious whether or not I'm nocturnal or not I am most certainly not, thank you.

Are you comfortable hanging out with your ex boyfriends/girlfriends' friends?

Again... I feel left out for these questions but I'm too lazy to derive some sort of pun from this question that I can banter on about in place of an actual response... is that good enough?

What's on your schedule for tomorrow?

I'm gonna try to eat, maybe leave the house. I really wanna go see a movie. I also have to do some HW and apply to Tufts University.

Do you remember names or faces better?

Usually only one or the other, which is just the worst...

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?

No. Girls have cooties

Have you ever kissed underwater?

No

Do you change your phone background a lot?

I haven't in like 2 years. My current background has lasted through 2 phones. So, no.

If someone is interested in you right now, how should they tell you?

Not through formspring like the rest of them....!

Do you miss your past?

How can one miss the past? I can barely even grasp that concept. Can you? That's strange to think of... my brain hurts. Since I'm nearly certain you intended to ask, "Do you miss certain past events?", I'll answer that question.

Do you miss certain past events?

Wow! What an brilliant question. It makes perfect sense. Why, Yes! Of course I do but I'll spare this nonexistent audience from the reminiscence of my past because society frowns upon talking to yourself... especially pertaining to things about yourself like this....

Do you hate when people call you when you're sleeping?

This never happens to me because I shut my phone off at night (when I sleep). AN INGENIOUS SOLUTION SINCE I'M SLEEPING AND DON'T WISH TO COMMUNICATE WITH ANYONE OR WISH TO BE WOKEN UP BY ANYONE BECKONING FOR ME!!!! so don't complain. buy a real alarm clock rofl. no offense to those who don't really complain about it if the other person didn't know your phone/sleep habits. You guys are alright :)

What would you do with a $100 bill you found on the ground?

Pocket that ish'

Are you easy to get along with?

From what I can tell, no.

Able to date someone who doesn't make you laugh?

Probably not. I'm heavily reliant on laughing for my survival.

Are you happier now? Or were you happier 4 months ago?

Much happier now. 4 months ago I couldn't tell you the last time I was happy.

Are you tired right now?

Not really. My leg hurts though, which means I'm up too late again...

Who did you first see this morning besides family?

One of my sisters friends I think

At the moment, are you more warm or cold?

I'm kinda cold. My hands and feet tend to get cold.

Ever kissed in the rain?

Yeah actually I was in this really popular movie called Spider Man. I'm not sure if you've heard of it, but I played Spiderman and was kissing this pretty hot redhead while hanging upside down from a web in the rain. It was pretty radical.

Nah but like for realz though, I is the spidermanz

Would you rather have big or small dogs?

Medium. Little dogs are loud as hell and big dogs consume too much

What time are you going to bed tonight?

Too late. Probably around 2 - 2:30

Do you have your belly button pierced?

Its so cute I love it. NO I don't have my belly-button pierced!

You go home with a hickey, what does your Father say?

I couldn't even begin to imagine lol

Are you nice to people you dislike?

I try to be cordial, but if they egg me on they have plenty to deal with haha

What time did you wake up this morning?

Somewhere between 11 and Noon

Do you curse in front of your parents?

Too much

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?

Nah

Who's hoodie did you wear last?

Mine.

Two years ago, were you the same person as you are now?

Well obviously I'm still Daniel Patrick Malloy Junior, and I'm still the same essential being, but I have changed very much, so much that one might consider me a "different person".

Has the last person you kissed ever made you cry?

No. hahah NO

Are you afraid of getting your heartbroken?

Yes, I am. Call me a puss...

What would you do if you walked in on your best friend having sex?

Well that completely depends on where and with whom, but probably gasp in shock and then walk out.

Have you ever asked a boy for advice?

Do Dads count as boys? Yeah. So yes. But sure from other peers too.

Reason... and its Fight with "The World" (as they see it)

I haven't posted a blog in a while, mainly because I haven't had sufficient motivation to, but after a good talk with a very smart and understanding man today and a good episode of Criminal Minds I am ready to go. I'm getting rather sick of a certain group of individuals I come in contact with (I'm almost sure none of them will ever read this blog, if that's not a dead giveaway I don't think you'll ever know). These certain individuals aren't very intelligent like the group of friends I prefer and enjoy to be around, and what bothers me most is their lack of maturity and insight. Argument and rebuttal are useless with these individuals because they deny reason. "Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them. Leave them alone." -Ayn Rand. There is little chance of me making any progress with this group and right now I understand and accept that the best option is to simply try to "leave them alone." While I am forced to be with them almost every day for hours at a time from now until November, I'll have to find a better way to interact with them because the current lack of respect from them is not acceptable. I don't mind keeping to yourself and not making the best of friends with me, but if you are going attempt to make a fool of someone for no other reason than that you do not have something I possess, that being a fully functional brain, or for none other than a need for a scapegoat for your own problems, look elsewhere, for I am not this target. I don't take this kind of treatment and I certainly don't deserve it. I try to leave these individuals alone, but I cannot control the actions of others. I'd like to see them try to stop my assertive personality, because "the question is not who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me?" -Ayn Rand.

But I completely understand that "the truth is not for all men, but only for those who seek it" -Ayn Rand, and that is clearly something these individuals do not care to discover. Not everyone grows up, but hopefully some of these people do.

I am not a brute, or a jock; I consider myself of more the intellectual/artistic type. I am the guy who finds humor and enjoyment in the subtleties of conversation or in an intellectual conversation, and not one whose pride and values are bounded at my physical abilities or how funny the masses thought my "come-back" was. I do not put physical activity outside of my capacity for enjoyment, but I do place it below intellectual endeavors. I think its rather obvious that I'm talking about football, and if you haven't figured it out already, you never would have anyway. I enjoy staying in shape and bettering my physical condition and the challenge of the game, but I don't like the lack of respect I get from my teammates.

So before any "choir kid" or any other non-sport judges me, they should understand that I'm not some football meathead, but merely an intellectual who remains involved in the physical endeavors that I have been committed to since early childhood. I am an intellectual at heart and in mind, but I find pride, not shame, in the fact that I can also take part in sports and do well while still taking AP and Honors classes. Judge me if you like, but I and the very smart Ayn Rand would likely say you are one who denies reason.